7 Weeks

That's right it has been 7 weeks, and wow how it has flown by!! Robert is back to work today so I thought I would finally get myself to create a post. I actually created a really wonderful and long 6 week post, but there happened to be a glitch in the system and I lost every word. So tragic. Guess it wasn't meant to be. But here I am 7 weeks after giving birth to our beautiful Marilyn at it again, finally!!

Motherhood is definitely an adventure. While labor may have been the most athletic thing I have ever done, motherhood is quickly becoming the most mentally challenging thing I have ever done. I have little control and just when I think I have figured it out, a new twist comes into play. I knew this going into it, but I could never anticipate the severity of it. Our good neighbor Dave, told us countless times that "nothing is apparent, until you become a parent" and he could not be more right. Becoming a parent makes you appreciate your parents in whole new light, makes you hate people who harm children in any way more than you ever could imagine, makes you question everything around you, and makes me weepy for kids whose parents don't love and care for them like we do for our dear Marilyn. That last one physically hurts to think about. I am only 7 weeks in and I feel this, what is it going to be like at 7 years, 17 years, or 70 years (I hope I make it that long!)??

So you are probably wondering how she and we are doing, as that is the question we always get. I love it when our friends tell us that we look good for "new parents" or the lady in the bookstore who told me I look great for having such a new baby. It makes me chuckle. Is that a compliment? What did we look like before we had her? I think we are doing great. We have rough days, but really who doesn't, even without an infant? We are adjusting just fine and will continue to, there have been a few shocking things, breastfeeding, errands, and poop to name a few, but nothing we can't handle.

Marilyn is doing wonderful. She is tall (in the 98 percentile according to her Dr.), gaining weight as she should, and lately giving us some of the very best smiles. Her days consist of the basics sleep, eat, play, and potty. What a life!!

Here is a breakdown of each category to date:

Sleep - The most common complaint that you hear from new parents is how tired they are. We are tired too, but have realized that we are not necessarily getting less sleep, we are just not getting these hours together. I have been reading my sleep book over and over and over. I kid you not I have been reading the same three chapters for the entire 7 weeks. Trying to navigate the "schedule" the "signs" and the proper "soothe". For now I am refusing to let her cry it out and hope to never have to cross that bridge. The thing about parenting advice and parenting materials is there is SO much out there and everyone has their own opinion as to what the correct method is. Dr. Weissbluth recommends letting her cry it out, that she won't think I have abandoned her, but Dr. Brazelton says that a baby should NEVER cry it out. Everyone hears what they want to hear, which is why so much research is difficult to navigate but what it comes down to for me is the source. Both authors are well known doctors, both books are very well written, but one came as a recommendation from a friend (with a wonderfully well-behaved child) and the other comes from a recommendation from my college professor (I minored in child development). For this one I am trusting my college professor. How can she not think I have abandoned her if I have been so responsive to her cries and then all of sudden I stop. Granted I am 7 weeks in, but that is my stance for now.

Overall Marilyn has been very good to us in the sleep department. Early on she adopted a 5 hour nighttime stretch up for a change and feed and then down for another 3. She was taking 3 hour naps, but in the last few days they have shorten to 1-3 hours, 3-4 times a day. On her 6 week birthday she slept through the night! Of course I didn't take advantage of this because I woke up at 3:45 to Robert's snoring, then my body told me she needed to eat, and later I began to fret that she wasn't breathing in her crib. At 5:45 when she finally awoke I sprang up with relief as I had been lying there worrying she was not okay, but to afraid to check. She hasn't done it since, but we keep hoping. The last few days she was up almost every two hours, but everyone assures me that she must be having a growth spurt, apparently it throws off their sleep. Lets hope that is the case :)

Eat - Everyone lies about breastfeeding, or better yet they withhold the truth from you, and I am here to break that trend. I read countless articles, a book that is supposed to be the breastfeeding bible, and Robert and I even took a class on the subject but no one, NO ONE, tells you how hard it can be. All I heard was its natural, its an amazing bonding experience, its all your baby needs to survive and thrive. No one tells you that it hurts, that you may become sore, you may bleed, you may cry and even scream your way through it. This is exactly what happened to me, which sent us to two lactation consultants as every thing I read told me that if it hurts your baby has a bad latch or has a physical issue. Well Marilyn has a perfect latch and no physical issues and I had a horrible start with breastfeeding. I believe is was 2 am on our first night home, when Robert asked me if Safeway (which is the only place open at that time) carried formula as he watched me cry through a feeding. I refused and when they began to bleed I still refused. There was no way I was going to give my little organic baby, something that the first ingredient is corn syrup, at least not until I gave it the old college try. I have sensitive skin and found this out the hard way. Like labor I fought my way through it, but unlike labor the pain did not go away it lingered. It took about three weeks for me to feed her without screaming part way through it. What helped? A Dr.'s recipe for homemade nipple cream, time, and organic lollipops :) Robert was my biggest cheerleader, it helped that he kept telling me I was already a good mom. The easy thing to do would have been to give her formula, but I couldn't bring myself to do it and I am so glad, because now it only hurts when she first latches on, oh and of course when she decides to do the occasional bite down, yikes! Once we get going all those things that I heard about breastfeeding became true, it seems just like moms forget the pain of labor until they find themselves there again, they seem to forget the pain of breastfeeding too.

I have had a few interesting nursing experiences but I'll save those for another post.

Play - Her playtime is what we call face time. She is usually lying flat or in her leaf chair where she has been giving us these amazing smiles (check out one of the photos below) that really melt our hearts. We do "tummy time" and it has been amazing to see the strength developing in her neck. We are also reading all her wonderful books to her. She seems to enjoy the brightly colored pages and when we went through the spring bulb catalog together (yes I am starting her early) she focused on the yellow flowers. She even cooed for the daffodils with white centers. Do you remember Mike who I practiced my swaddles on? Well Mike catches her attention all the time. He lives on the bookshelf behind the rocking chair and when she is supposed to be burping I catch her stretching her neck to catch a glimpse of him. When he comes down for "play time" she stares at him very deeply, I think we found her first love.

Potty -  Someday she will dislike us for sharing the details to follow but we just can't help it. Robert and I joke that we are going to share these stories when she brings her first date home. We have named her the "projectile pooper". For the first 4 weeks or so she refused to poop in her diaper, probably because she is such a lady :) Instead she waits until Daddy has got her on the changing table and diaper is open to let it out. We are not talking about a delicate lady like release, Robert describes it as a "skunk spray". It shoots out with force often splattering all over him. It has been projected onto the wall, the closet door, Robert, me, and the adorable organic rug. It has gotten to a point now where Robert can predict it before it happens so the mess has become less, but every now and again she surprises him. When it actually happens in a diaper it is so loud, noises you would expect from a sailor, not our delicate little flower. We have nicknamed it her "skooshies", where did we get that from?  I have a tendency to nickname all sorts of funny things, Robert thinks it's a weird Aptos thing, but he is been known to do it too. We are having great success with our reusable diapers and wipes. Daddy is the laundry king and he loves the fact that we don't have to spend money on diapers. On the go we may opt for a disposable, but when did a weekend with my parents she quickly broke out with a diaper rash from the diapers and wipes. When we got home and back to our old routine it cleared up quickly. The environmentalist in me feels great that we aren't filling up the landfill and Robert thinks they are super easy too, which is great!

So the hubby left for work this evening as I was feeding Marilyn before her bedtime. After he left and I had successfully gotten her to sleep I wandered around the house and couldn't help but find myself in a unique place. 7 weeks have literally whizzed by, I can't believe it. We are turning over a new leaf, Robert with his new schedule will have to adjust to seeing Marilyn less and trying to sleep through the days, ignoring her refusals to nap. I will have to adjust to the day and night shift. If only he could get paid to stay home and we could savor all these life changing moments together everyday. If only...Well until we win the lotto I am afraid that will not happen. I will miss him late at night when he would so graciously pluck her from her crib and bring her to me to feed and then later change her and bring her back, I have been so lucky. I will also miss chatting with him as we try mercifully to get her to go to sleep and the ability to hand her off when I just need a break. He is not going to war, he will still come home everyday, but with his very unique schedule, mandatory overtime, and extra training he will not be able to give us the attention that I know he wants to. This new chapter will be hard, but together we will make it work. Hopefully I can master the errand running alone so our days "together" will not be spent running around but rather enjoying our family time.

Two days ago all smiles after our first outing just the two of us to the bookstore. This is my favorite picture so far!

4 generations

Marilyn (1 month) and Helen (99 years)

With Auntie Erica and Ralphie

At her Baptism

First trip to the beach

Cruising with Auntie Mandi and Cousin Cameron

First doctor's appt.

In her chair early on.

In her chair recently, look how she has grown!!

With her Cousin Cameron, isn't he adorable!

Another playtime with Cameron, they're almost exactly one month apart.

First shopping trip.

With Uncle Cliff.

With her Great Grandma, what a great picture!!

Everyone kept commenting on how big her feet were, so here is a close up.

A few days old :)

Catching a nap with Daddy.

Celebrating Robert's 30th we took her to her first Giants game, she was perfect!

"You fall in love with your children in a way that you have never fallen in love before. It is deep, protective, fierce, unconditional love that grows and changes. It is a powerful shift in your life when you become a parent and realize that the world is officially not about you, that you have an obligation to the community around you, to the future, to your children, and to other people's children. Welcome to parenthood-its big, you are not trained for it, it is unpaid weary labor, and yet it is one of the most powerful, transformative journeys of your life." - Big Book of Birth  

So well said. 

XOXO

Our Birth Story

I'll never forget the first time that I rode the Giant Dipper at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. I was tall enough for the ride so that meant that I "should" ride it. I don't recall if it was the first roller coaster that I rode or even how old I was but it is the only one that stands out in my mind. Maybe it is because it was the "Giant Dipper" or perhaps it is because my great grandfather was one of the very first to ride it making it feel like a familiar obligation. I had no fear as I waited in what seemed to be an endless line, anticipating it to be fun and no big deal, tons of people ride it year after year and everyone loves roller coasters. As the roller coaster rode slowly up the first and largest peak the whole Boardwalk/wharf area came into view, my stomach began to tighten as I realized what I had gotten myself into. A fear began to boil in me and I quickly understood there was no turning back, that in this moment I had no other choice but to go forward. As I leaned over the side of our bed fighting my way through a contraction this memory came to mind. After all this waiting we were finally here, and there was definitely no slowing down and certainly no looking back.

My contractions began at 2:33 am, yes 2:33. I was awoken after falling asleep at 12:30 to a rolling rush that I had never experienced before solidifying that this was the real thing. Robert had just begun to get ready for bed when I informed him that it was time, he never did catch any sleep. They began at 30 min apart but a certain excitement and anticipation came over me making it impossible to go back to sleep. They were not necessarily painful at this point but rather shocking as there is no way to describe that feeling. I took a shower which was both soothing and seemed to escalate them as they came closer together after that point. The doctor and our birthing coach told us not to go to the hospital until the contractions reached the 5-1-1 point. Five minutes apart, last a minute long, and had gone on for one hour, so time is what I had. As Robert tried to catch some shut-eye, I messed around on one of my guilty pleasures, Pinterest, until I was too uncomfortable to sit any longer. It was at this point that the Giant Dipper came to mind. That anxiety of "oh my this is really happening and I no longer have any control" came over me and I am not going to lie made me feel nervous. This was the first and only time during this whole pregnancy that I was nervous about giving birth. Thankfully all the chaos made it so my mind was not able to focus on these nerves for very long.

When my contractions reached 8 min apart at 6 am I began to bleed and that scared me, so Robert quickly got on the phone with labor and delivery to make sure everything was okay, which it was. They told us to relax and call back when the contractions were closer together, like 4 min apart. We tried to relax, we ate and put together the last items to pack for the hospital. Around 7 am Robert took Jessie (his working dog) to the kennel to board her while we were away. While he was gone I got dressed and fixed my hair, as my contractions got stronger. They varied between 3-5 min apart but they never lasted a minute long, the longest being 45 sec. When Robert returned he called the hospital again to check in and expressed a nervousness we had about being stuck in commute traffic, the nurse told us to go ahead and come in. The anticipation rose, we were off.

Of course baby had to come on the only rainy day in June at commute time and just after the commute lane to the city had closed. Robert asked me to let him know if he needed to drive on the left hand shoulder as he was fully prepared to do so, thankfully it never came to that. My contractions were much more intense and now very painful, sitting in the car did not make this any easier. I couldn't help but think of what the other people stuck in Tuesdays traffic thought of my grimacing faces and horse lips. In all the excitement and rushes we both had forgotten all the breathing techniques that we had learned in our classes except for the horse lips and squeezing of the hips - which came later. Horse lips is basically when you push air through your lips making a horse noise, you probably have done this for a child or as a child while pretending to be the animal. This act was SO helpful for me to manage the pain. It sounds so silly but the vibration of my lips and face really alleviated some of the pain and stress I was feeling below. Slowly but surely we made it to the hospital, through security, and into the waiting room at about 9:30 am. We waited for what seemed like forever, I began to wonder if they had forgotten about us. My contractions were so intense I began to wonder (not seriously) if I would survive. I sort of had a poor me moment in my head. Robert was doing his best to help by reminding me to breath and pressing hard on my hips through the contractions. Finally our nurse came and escorted us to our room.

I de-robed and was hooked up to monitors to listen to the babies heart beat and track my contractions. I shared my birth plan with the nurse and as she asked me about pain relief I found myself doubting my strength when I uttered "I am going to try" when asked about my desire to do this au naturale; I could see the brief moment of confusion on Robert's face. The thought of bearing those contractions for 36 hours seemed a bit overwhelming. The nurse then checked me and found that I was dilated 4 cm. I was careful not to express it but I was pissed when I heard I was only 4 cm!! I needed to get to 10 and I had been 2.5 at my last doctors appt a week ago. I had heard that it took on average of an hour per cm so you can imagine my disappointment. The nurse informed us that they would check us again in an hour and depending how far along I was I would be given the opportunity to stay or go back home. WHAT??!! Go home? There was no way! I was having this baby. I was not going home, we wouldn't make it home, it was raining and traffic was a mess. I couldn't sit so I continued to stand rocking back and forth, breathing like a horse, with Robert squeezing my hips with all his might through each contraction.

An hour passed, but it felt more like 15 min to me, the doctor came in to check me and I had progressed from 4 to 7 cm. I was so ecstatic! They hooked me up to the IV to begin the process of the antibiotics for the Strep B that I had. I can say confidently that this was more difficult for me to bear than my contractions at this point. I complained many times about the pain in my hand from the IV throughout my labor, I really wish that this did not have to be apart of our special day, but alas it was. Robert requested a birthing ball for me as we had heard that this was a helpful position for many laboring women. I sat on that thing for about a min before it got the reject button. I couldn't sit. I stood and rocked back and forth with Robert squeezing my hips as hard as he could through my contractions all the while breathing like a horse. And then they changed.

Not only did my contractions get even more intense but I began to feel this crazy amount of pressure down under. It was like my body was pushing without me. Robert quickly called the nurse in to check on me. Back on the bed I went, she found that I was 8.5 cm. She knew what she was doing, but I like to think I know my body, and the first thing I thought was she was wrong. Back to standing I went and then had a sudden urge for a bowel movement, Robert helped me quickly roll my equipment close to the door and shut me in. As soon as I sat on the toilet my water broke. They really should describe this as exploding not breaking. I felt like a canon had just shot a water balloon out of me. Luckily I was on the toilet, less mess for everyone. Robert called the nurse in and he helped me out of the bathroom while she tried to determine if the water was normal. At this point the Dr. was in the room with us and was giving kudos on how we had progressed. She said she would return in a 1/2 hour to check on us when I muttered "I feel like it is coming now" Robert made sure she heard me. Back on the bed I went and she took one look and said "you're right". A feeling of relief came over me.

This sounds weird but your body doesn't need you, it starts pushing the baby out without you. It took three contractions, three pushes, and ten minutes to push our baby out. That primate lady you saw a couple of weeks ago was there. My horse breaths were so intense that spit was flying everywhere, and I let out a few screams which helped alleviate the pain tremendously. After the first push the Dr. asked us if we would like to touch the head, Robert and I both declined, I didn't want to dilly dally I wanted this baby out! Two more pushes I could feel the head come out and then the shoulders and then the rest seemed to just slip out painlessly. At 12:47 pm out baby came and as they were placing baby on my tummy I called out "it's a girl!!". It was amazing. Robert and I quickly apologized to Marilyn for calling her a boy all this time. She came out screaming letting us know she was no boy! They wiped her on my belly as I de-robed quickly to take advantage of those first skin to skin moments. It was all so beautiful. I didn't cry then, but I well up in tears thinking about it now.

Labor was hard. It burned just like everyone said it would.  It was by far the most athletic thing I have ever done. I feel now like there is nothing I cannot do. It was quick, intervention free, and uncomplicated, just as we had hoped. (so quick in fact that IV they hooked me up to didn't have time to get into my system, what a waste) Robert accredits this to the fact that I took such good care of myself throughout my pregnancy eating well, exercising often, and educating myself. I agree that this was a major contributor, but I also have to give him credit too. I wouldn't have been able to do all of that without his support. Even though there were times in that delivery room where I could tell he felt helpless, his support and belief in me gave me great confidence through this journey. I read many stories about women who had hidden stresses, communication issues, and insecurities that bogged them down during labor, making it difficult for them to get fully dilated. I am so thankful that I have such a wonderful and supportive husband who is an amazing communicator.

Marilyn Louise arrived on Tuesday June 25th at 12:47 pm. She was 8 lbs 7 oz and 21 inches long. Every ache, pain, lost minute of sleep, swelling, etc has been so worth it. She is a blessing and we could not be happier. We are enjoying our little one tremendously and soaking up every moment.

We are home and settled. If you would like to visit please let us know.

XOXO

Our first picture and the beginning of our breastfeeding adventure

Proud Dad.

We're a family.

First examination.

Eye treatment time.

Proud Grandparents.

The grandma's and I with the bag of chips I immediately went for after labor, can't remember the last time I ate Lays :)

Grandma Lisa with Marilyn. Probably the best picture my Mom has ever taken.

A nervous future Auntie.

Uncle Patrick and Daddy looking very happy.

The cousins!

Hayley & Marilyn.

Kelly & Marilyn.

Tarah & Marilyn.

Daddy changing his first diaper.

First bath.

Asleep on Daddy's chest.

Having her hearing tested.

Daddy and Marilyn catching a snooze in the hospital.

Our journey home from the hospital. I was so nervous about her head in the carseat we used Robert's shirt to prop it up. She slept the whole drive home :)

Happy 4th of July!!!

We are getting settled and will share our birth story soon. Hope you have a wonderful holiday!!

Past Due

Here we are 3 days over due. I have had some contractions but they are not in rhythm yet so more waiting is what we shall do. Our "due date" was Wednesday and we spent the day celebrating Father's Day, which consisted of sleeping in, sweatpants, coffee, burgers, doggy-time, and an action film. I managed to adorn some onesies during the film to keep myself from getting too antsy. Aren't they cute? I used fabric scraps, embroidery thread, and some buttons I had laying around to adorn some organic onesies I picked up for $4 each, what a bargain! 

Thanks Baby Gerrans for waiting until after Bobby & Kiren's wedding, but now you can come anytime!! Daddy got to be a groomsmen last night and he looked adorable in his tux (pic below). We unfortunately did not catch any photos of the two of us, but that is because we had such a great time eating spicy Indian food and partaking in some exciting Indian dancing. Loved it! Mom's feet were such a sight we nearly cried from laughing so hard once we got in the car. Have you seen Shallow Hal? Think of Gwyneth's feet in that movie, that is what mine looked like. We took a photo but its not making it to the blog today.

I have been eating spicy food, walking, eating pineapple, drinking raspberry leaf tea, rocking in the rocking chair, but still no baby. I am SOOOOO ready. Getting up, sitting down, standing, and sleeping are all difficult and my feet, oh my feet, are so swollen all the time. Sometimes I feel as if they will explode. I was hoping the full moon would pull baby out, but alas that has not worked so far, I guess I have a few more hours :) If baby does not arrive by Wednesday, I might drive to Walnut Creek for some "Prego Pizza" which is famous for inducing labor.

I am dilated 2.5 cm and 75% effaced and the doctor seemed pretty confident that we won't make it to our next appointment (Wednesday the 26th), but the anticipation is driving us all a little crazy. It is funny how you spend so much time prepping and planning for this moment and when it comes close there is little you can do other than wait. I can't think of anything else in life that is like this, I literally have no control and that is a bit bizarre. Every baby comes out so it is just a matter of time.....we'll keep you posted!!

xoxo

A fish.

An apple.

A bunny.

A turtle with glasses?

Daddy-to-be in his tux before the wedding.

Here I am on the due date, looking exhausted, swollen, and so ready for Baby's arrival.

Week 39 - The Waiting Game

Still no baby, but boy and am I ready. I have been ultra grumpy and had one emotional breakdown over hunger this week, so I am sure Robert is really ready too. Last night I actually got some good sleep and am feeling cheerier than I have been so that is nice, but still ready none the less. I cannot imagine going on like this for 3 more weeks, but it may happen. In addition to the grumpy, sluggy, and the constant state of exhaustion that I am currently in my feet have swollen to replicate what I would assume hobbit feet would look like. Particularly the left as it is usually a half size larger than the right. Good thing it is summer and I can get away with wearing flip flops all the time as some days I cannot get into any other pair of shoes. My hands are still a bit swollen but not nearly as uncomfortable as they were. My Doctor says this is all a result of going over my recommended weight gain, so a note has been taken for the next pregnancy. Don't worry there are no pictures of my swollen feet, even though they look quite comical (ask my husband) I would not subject any of you to an unnecessary picture of swollen hobbit feet that have not been pampered for the last ten and a half months, yikes!

So I am experiencing mood swings, swollen extremities and a new appetite. It seems the swollen foot is actually hallow and I cannot seem to fill it. I feel as if I am always hungry, but I don't want anything. Well that is not entirely true I want simple carbs like pancakes, fettuccine Alfredo, and gelato, but I am supposed to avoid refined sugars and starchy carbs and stick to protein, fruits, and veggies. It seems that those things are really nothing that I want, maybe that is why I am so grumpy?? I did indulge in a pancake breakfast yesterday, which combined with a long nap lifted my mood by the afternoon. Maybe I need to make bad diet choices for my own piece of mind..........On Friends Monica makes cookies for the mother carrying their child and justifies it as saying that she wants the baby to "come out all cute and fat." I wouldn't mind a chunky baby, but I really don't want to deal with any preclampsia so I have to stay on track, as hard as it is I have to.

We are so ready over here. Everything that can be done for baby's arrival is done. Car seat installed, hospital bags packed and in the car, nursery set up, mobile is hung, got the rocking chair set, refreshed ourselves on the newborn care videos, finished up the reading on breastfeeding, sleep habits, and calming methods (well mom has), freezer is full, pantry is stocked, house is clean, diapers are washed, Dad could really use a break from work and Mom has been practicing her swaddling on Mike the Bear. My mom thinks that if we weren't so "ready" and were a bit more scrambled the baby would probably come, but since we aren't he/she will probably wait until July, thanks mom. Now it is just a waiting game, whenever baby is ready baby will come. It would be adorable if he (or she) came on Father's Day, wouldn't it?? Of course for selfish reasons I would like baby to come soon, but I know Baby Gerrans will come when he is meant to. We have a wedding next Friday, that Robert is a groomsmen in, and I really hope that baby allows his father to participate in it, for the groom and for Dad-to-be. So baby if you are reading this you can come either on your due date or wait until Saturday morning? ha fat chance.

Baby Gerrans is kicking in there like crazy, still haven't seen any body parts through the belly and probably won't. I am feeling this new feeling of bubbles inside me which is a bit peculiar. At first I thought it was my stomach but soon realized that my stomach is now up high under my ribs and these "bubbles" are happening all over the belly. They usually happen when Baby Gerrans is moving a lot, could he be blowing bubbles? Burping? or something worse?? Did any of you mothers out there experience this? I haven't seen any literature on it. Maybe I am imagining it in my delirium.

Sorry about the way the last two posts delivered, they were supposed to come separately but somehow came together I guess I am still getting the hang of this blogging thing. We'll be sure to let you know when our bundle arrives, please wish for a safe delivery for us.

Cheers!

Robert hung the mobile.

Here is a close up.

Poor Mike he has been the subject of my swaddling practice.

Here is the rocking chair that belonged to my Great Great Grandma Ethel Mae Grey. She rocked my Great Grandma Mae (the picture you saw last week), who rocked my Grandma Marilyn, who then rocked my Mom, who later rocked me in it. Baby Gerrans will be the fifth generation to be rocked in this chair. We got a new fluffy cushion made for it so it will be nice and comfy for Mom and Dad. Could use a foot stool and a little side table, but those aren't necessities.

"Pregnancy Updates"

Here is my first "pregnancy update" at 12 weeks. We started out calling Baby Gerrans  Baby Nugget. Ali came up with this nickname, she is always creative like that :)

Update on Baby Nugget

I am 12 weeks today! Feeling good, no morning sickness at all, but still very tired and lazy :)

Today Robert and I had another ultra sound where they measured all sorts of things to screen for things like down syndrome, etc. Still have to wait for the results of my last blood test but baby nugget is moving like crazy in there! About the size of a lime, legs are kicking, arms flailing, and at one point the legs were crossed and hands were behind the head - definitely Robert's child! We were cracking up as that is how Robert sleeps!

Tarah, just like your sister, my doctor put the fear of weight gain in my head. She stressed that because of my size and bone density I have to be so careful to not go over. She also took one look at me and told me to lay off the processed food, what!!? Amazing how they can tell what your diet is like just by looking at you, apparently everything is out there when you are pregos. So no more Hayley diet for me, no more crackers, I have to reduce the starchy carbs, she even said I should limit my intake of rice, wow. Who knew that mrs. farmers market would get a lecture about eating healthy :)

I had one serious episode that sent me to the hospital, but everything turned out to be alright. I have always gotten migraines if I eat too much junk food, like the one time I scarfed down an entire roll of necco candies or the other time when I ate an entire queso by myself, and I believe the onion dip on Thanksgiving may have sent me over the edge (I practically consumed the entire bowl). The day after Thanksgiving I did my normal routine woke up early had breakfast and started cleaning something when a migraine broke out. I tried my normal remedy - Robert gives me a massage and then I take a nap, but when I woke up it was worse and then an hour later the nausea kicked in. Imagine the worst hangover you have ever had, then put yourself on a sailboat on a very choppy day, and top it off with a migraine. That is where I was, for nine hours. They gave me some meds that didn't make the pain go away, but eventually curbed the nausea enough that I could go to sleep, two days later I was back to normal. 

One more bit of scary news, I am a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis. Apparently 1 in 25 people are. It takes two parents as carriers to have a child with this disease, Robert got tested yesterday and we will find out his results in two weeks. If you could keep your fingers crossed, pray, jump backwards or do whatever you can for us we would really appreciate it. I am trying not to be nervous but can't help it. 

I've got a little bump, but I haven't actually gained weight which is weird. My clothes are snug and people are giving me that "is she pregnant or has she gained a lot of weight" look. I love to watch people at the market who see me weekly ponder over it, it is quite funny. 

Lastly pregnancy dreams are crazy. Last night we brought the new born baby home and it was telling me how to take care of it and it would only wear diapers from Africa that our Realtor had to bring us. Every night they are bizarre like this, again Erica I cannot wait for you to be pregnant yours will be book worthy :)


Here is another from week 14

Thanks for all of your positive thoughts...we are cystic fibrosis free, Robert is negative (apparently I am the only diseased one in this relationship), we are also in the clear for now with down syndrome and t-18, yay!

My bump is growing and so is my appetite! I have one entertaining story that is sure to make you laugh, which we can all use as the year comes to a close.

Pregnancy hunger is unlike any desire to eat you will ever have. Last week I am having lunch with a friend in SF at this new Japanese Ramen House. We had to wait in line to get a table and finally when we sat down we ordered immediately as we were both starving. Of course the food was taking FOREVER. I thought I was going to die, when you are pregnant you have to eat when your body tells you you are hungry there is no putting it off. If you let it go far enough you get incredibly nauseous and even farther well I don't know yet. So I am sitting there trying to be polite and engage in the conversation as I am drooling over all the plates of food flying by us. Finally the waitress brings us some hot tea, which I proceed to guzzle down like I am playing flip-cup hoping that it will temporarily satisfy me, which it does not. Just when I feel like I am going to scream I realize that my napkin is paper and that there is a stack of them at the end of the table. Kids ate paper in Junior High right?, if I nibble on the napkin it could hold me over until the food comes. But what will my friend think of me if I start eating my napkin, now I start to devise ways to get the napkin in my mouth without her noticing. (the thought that I am crazy to eat a napkin NEVER crosses my mind) I kid you not I am sitting there nodding my head pretending like I am listening to her and I am secretly tearing up my napkin into tiny pieces to be stuffed into my mouth when she looks away. Just as I am about to distract her with the table next to us, the waitress comes with our appetizer, THANK GOD!!! 
Now this story is funny to me, but at the time eating the napkin felt like a great idea. Oh baby nugget why must you be so impatient!

xoxoxo


The last update before I started the blog - Week 20

This is a long and somewhat sad email so brace yourselves. Well we are 20 weeks over here, half way through, can you believe it? I feel like I am growing everyday! Today I tried to squeeze my way into a small parking space and then realized I was too big to fit out the door, ha! Baby nugget is as long as a banana now but a little thicker. Speaking of bananas they have been on the cravings list which was so awkward because I haven't purchased them in over 3 years! But what baby wants baby gets. I have noticed that the cravings have changed quite a bit, it went from wow that sounds amazing right now - sushi, latkes, cottage cheese, popsicle, and grapefruit - to my first omg I have to have that right now - which was steak.  On our last ultrasound we got to see hands, feet, facial expressions, and even a yawn. We could find out what baby is but we are still sticking to not knowing, though Robert is having a harder time waiting than I am. Apparently we aren't that unique. Our technician who just moved here from Chicago says that no one in California wants to know, but in the eight years she was in IL only two couples didn't want to know the sex, interesting. The second trimester is much better than the first, energy is up, much more comfortable, but my skin gets dryer and itchier by the minute, hopefully its the weather but it tends to be more on my belly than anywhere else so I have a feeling its not. Cora you asked me about my new organic method for dry skin and at the time I hadn't found anything well I have and I am loving it, straight Argan Oil. If I could afford it I would drown my whole body in this stuff :) I don't know if it is nesting or if it is due to all the non-creative tasks I have been given at work, but I am obsessed with my house right now. While I was bed-ridden from a nasty cold I managed to draft up a total house remodel. I am driving Robert crazy because apparently it is all I can talk about. The nursery is driving me mad, do you ever envision the perfect outfit for a special occasion and then find that it does not exist or if it does they either don't have your size or its so expensive you'd have to sell your soul to get it? Well that is how I am feeling about the nursery, what I want does not seem to exist in the fabric department and it is making me crazy, so crazy angry that I took it out on the closet and tore the whole thing out, patched painted and ordered a new closet system. Do you think it would be really distracting to paint stripes/chevron/ikat etc inside a closet? with clothes shoes etc does that become more than the eye can handle? Well on yet another note we have gotten a new baby before our real baby. Robert after nine months (no joke) got his Police K-9 dog two weeks ago. I have been super nervous about this whole thing and it started out really smooth. He got a female instead of a male, she is about the size of Annie, a little skinnier. Her name is Jesse. She is dark in color and looks a little wild. When I first met her she was sweet as pie I couldn't believe she was going to be trained to bite people. She immediately took a liking to me which made me feel much better about the whole situation. However this Saturday after an afternoon of bar hopping in the city (yes this pregnant lady bar hops), she decided that she was going to kill Ralphie. I am in the bathroom taking off layers of eye make up when I hear Robert screaming my name for bloody murder and things in German which I did not understand. I come running down the hall thinking he was hurt only to find him on the front porch wrestling Jesse who had Ralphie hanging from her jaws, he was limp. OMG I cannot describe to you the horror I felt. Robert had wedged his hands in her mouth to see if he could pull her off but a dog like that has a lock jar like you would not believe. I tried to get my hands in there too but there was no way it was happening. The whole time we are both screaming him in german, me "let go of him" and I am scrambling. I kicked her, I punched her, poked at her eyes. Nothing. All three of them were wedged under our cute little bench. My mother always talked about how to deal with dog fights, being attacked by animals etc.(such a pioneer woman), and in that moment those random lessons came to mind. She always suggested spraying fighting dogs with a hose and when all else fails go for the ribs. The hose was all the way around the corner and I just knew I didn't have time to get to it, so I grabbed the dog bowl of water and threw it on her face. She jerked and threw herself, ralphie and Robert out from underneath the bench but she didn't let go. I grabbed a japanese weeder (small shovel with sharp blade on one side) which I lazily had not put away from day before (thank god) and swung with all my might in her ribs preparing myself for her to turn on me. It took about four wacks and then she let go of him. He dropped totally limp in a puddle of water as Robert grabbed her to lock her up. Ralphie didn't move and like a victim's mother on SVU I screamed hysterically over and over "don't let go" and started rubbing his belly. He went into a seizure, I picked him to put him right side up so he wouldn't choke on his throw up if he did, and then he snapped out of it. I clutched him in my arms barefoot and bloody as I jumped into Robert's truck and he drove in what they call "code 3" to the pet emergency; both of us crying, Robert with blood gushing from his hands and begging Ralphie not to let go. The vets were amazing, he is a tough little dog, and if it weren't for Robert's large man hands getting in between her jaw and his neck he would have died. I looked like I was in a thrasher movie - blood and dirt splattered all over my white shirt, pajama pants, no shoes, and half of my eye makeup removed. I can't laugh about the incident but I can chuckle about the way I must have looked to all the people in the vet office. Robert had to go to the emergency room as he has major wounds to his hands, but they don't stitch dog bites for a fear of infection, so he has to wait for them heal. Now I am nursing Ralphie back to health, he's got a few stitches and is very sleepy from the pain meds but other than that seems fine. I am still shooken up by the whole ordeal. Jesse is not a dog she is an animal. She has not gone through all of her training and this incident, as Robert will tell you, was his fault. She has a major problem with food aggression and he let Ralphie out when she was eating. An honest mistake, but I am just so glad he is alive. You are probably wondering why I am sharing this story with you in my latest pregnancy update. You are my nearest and dearest and I need you to know that on the drive home from the vet I realized that I have married the right man.That no matter what the world dishes to us he is the one for me. I can't tell you exactly why but its true. Crazy I know. When Baby Nugget is 16 and driving Robert and I so crazy that we are on the brink of divorce I need you to remind me of this incident, remind me of what I felt on that porch, in the car, in that moment. Its funny how true fear can make you so much more aware of what you really feel. Baby Nugget handled the whole thing effortlessly, no shocking pains like I get when I carry the laundry basket, no nausea, no kicking. Not until the ride home; just to let me know he is okay.  Thanks for being here for me to vent to, this isn't one I could keep in. You can see that through these 9 1/2 months of being pregnant I have learned a great deal about myself. This has definitely been one of the best adventures of my life so far,  I can only imagine that parenthood will be such a treat for both Robert and I. xoxo

Week 38 - Ready to Go

Today we are 38 weeks and we are ready to go. We had a doctor's appt this morning and we came home with more good news. Good strong heart beat, I am dilated 1 cm, my cervix has thinned and begun to soften, Baby Gerrans' head is right up against my cervix, and he/she could arrive any day now! Crazy. I have been brainstorming a post reflecting on the last nine months and I think it is appropriate to do now. Robert and I went from newlyweds, to honeymooners, to parents-to-be in a matter of minutes. It seems like ages ago that Robert and I were in France talking about becoming pregnant and when we found out that we were we were so elated! When we first got home I took a pregnancy test and it came out negative, but I knew it was wrong. I can't describe exactly why, but I just knew that I was pregnant, I felt it. A few impatient days later I took another test and low and behold I was correct. Robert was at work so I left him a card that said "Guess What" on the outside and inside said "we're pregnant". It is in the baby book now. He came and woke me up, we were both so excited. After our first appointment and ultra sounds to confirm it we told our parents in a similar fashion. Got them each a card with a sonogram photo attached inside and wrote the words "Hi Grandma & Grandpa, See you on June 19th!" beside it. Carolyn screamed and my mom welled up in tears and hugged Robert immediately, lots of hugs were given. It was so fun to surprise them in this way. We saved the big announcement for our "Wedding Celebration" which many of you were able to attend. There really could have been no better way to share the good news than with a room full of all of our favorite people. Don't know how we'll top that with the next one. We were so nervous and excited to tell everyone even though it was a teensy bit early to share.

I started an email chain with pregnancy updates for my close friends and sisters, but with all the requests to be included in what was going on with me I decided to start this blog at 22 weeks. Robert has been encouraging me to write one since he took me to Napa for my birthday in 2009 and a gentlemen that was staying at the same B & B suggested I start one after loosing my Event Design job. I finally dove into it, and am so glad that I have. What a great way to catalog my pregnancy and as I have said before an amazing creative outlet for me. I like to write and I always feel like I have a narrative in my head so to put it down somewhere has been very fun. I hope to continue it as Baby Gerrans grows (I don't expect you all to continue to read it) as I am sure there will be many challenges and changes that I will face giving me lots of topics to explore :)

Back to my email updates that I sent my close friends they included funny stories and interesting details about what I was experiencing in those early days. They didn't come weekly so there were not too many. To insure that they do not get lost I will be posting them separately for us all to enjoy.

I was fortunate to never have any morning sickness, though I was super sleepy and lazy in the first trimester. I did feel the urge to nest around 20 weeks, but have spent the last few getting rid of things. We went from a small bump at 12 weeks to now a 43 1/2 inch waist, I outgrew mom. I have gained 37 lbs (5 in the last two weeks) and as the days go I feel as if I am swelling like a summer peach. My feet and hands show it the most. Just to give you a perspective my ring size is normally a 4 1/2 but today I am wearing my grandmother's wedding ring which comes in at a size 8, that is some serious swelling. My hair is so thick I will miss it terribly when it all falls out and Robert will not enjoy finding it in the drain again :) I have gotten to the point where bending down to pick something up or weed is nearly impossible, funny how that happened pretty much overnight. Walking has been my only form of exercise these days. Getting in and out of bed is difficult and the last few nights somewhat painful. Sleeping has not been that difficult. I had one week of terrible sleep but for the most part have been very fortunate. I get up frequently but go back to sleep very easily. The last few nights my hands have been falling asleep which wakes me and that is a bit annoying. 

Robert noted as he watched me roll over that me rolling over is like a submarine trying to make a u-turn. I don't know much about submarines but apparently its a lot of work to turn such a large thing around...I don't think I like being compared to a submarine :) I have started to feel Braxton-Hicks contractions which are a result of my uterus practicing for labor and pushing Baby Gerrans down. I also notice that my belly has hardened and it is easier to feel baby. We are both running out of space. My cravings have been rather uneventful but I have had an increase in appetite this last week and have been consuming radishes like they are strawberries. Grandma I tried your radish sandwich and it was very tasty! And yes the furniture finally arrived, not without hiccups but it is finally here. Rocking chair will be finished tomorrow, yay! Mobile is done but needs to be hung, Daddy-to-be will be putting it up this evening, as I have finally determined that leaning over a crib to screw it into the ceiling is not a battle worth fretting for this pregnant lady. When that is done the nursery will be pretty much complete. I am still looking for a small table to hold a beverage and maybe a snack to sit beside the rocking chair so I can have something while I am breastfeeding, but that is not a pressing item.

As we left the doctors office today we both felt a rush of giddiness as it is finally here. We cannot wait to meet our little one and to find out if it will be a William or a Marilyn. I have made some signs to tape up in our labor room with phrases like "boy or girl" "William or Marilyn" hoping that they will give me the extra energy to push when I become exhausted. Not knowing has been so fun, as I have said before I thought it was going to be so much harder, but it really hasn't. I am a planner, but you really can do all the planning prepping you need to not knowing what you are having. What would really be the difference if I knew? I would have probably bought that adorable vintage linen coat if I knew I was having a girl and invested in some pee pee tepees if I was having a boy - both totally unnecessary.

If all goes as planned we will be delivering at Kaiser in San Francisco and this baby will be the 6th generation to be born in the city on Robert's side. I don't know how many people can say that but I think that is rather cool. We will be sending out a mass text (can't figure out how to blog from my phone yet) to announce baby's arrival. I believe I have all the phone numbers I need, but if yours has changed please send it my way so you can be included. They do allow visitors once we get to the postpartum department, so call or text Robert after you get the announcement if you would like to come and see us to get the details. We are toying around with the idea of having a meet the baby potluck on 4th of July, so if you are around then we would love to have you and will send out an invite when we decide what to do. 

Below are lots of pictures for you to enjoy from the start to today. It has been quite a journey and one that will never end for us!

xoxo

PS Please continue to keep Mandi in your thoughts, she could still use your positive energy.

Just Married!

In Paris, this was the day :)

Robert and I with the card we made for Art & Carolyn.

After we announced the pregnancy at our Wedding Celebration.

Me at 12 weeks, the end of the first trimester.

At 24 weeks, the second trimester.

Here I am at 37 weeks.

Not sure if this picture is clear but this is an aerial view of my belly while I am sitting. You can see that my belly is lop-sided as Baby Gerrans in pushed up against my right side, he does this often :)

Here is an overview of the nursery, a little more crowded with all the furniture in there now.

This needle point, which hangs over the changing table, was made for me by my Great Grandma Cecilia Savar, and is something I read all the time especially as I was learning to read.

A close up of the crib with the quilt Cathy Hackett made for Baby Gerrans hanging over it. 

The picture is of my Great Grandma Mae Grey at 18 months of age. I had painted the room before we inherited this picture and her dress happens to be the same color as our walls. This hangs over the bed.

We bought this bookshelf made of recycled barnwood and painted it cream with a sherbet orange background color. It houses all kinds of wonderful books and treasures.

One of the vignettes on the bookshelf includes Robert's childhood bear, my grandma Marilyn's baby cup, and one of  my Great Grandma Edith Ayer's hummel prints. 

Here is a close up of the changing table with the needlepoint above it.

A vintage print of the Wee Willie Winkle poem gifted by Grandma-to-be Carolyn, it is one of her favorites.

Here I am today at 38 weeks at the same restaurant that we had our Wedding Celebration back in November.